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REPOST: Just Hand Her a Tissue

 Since we are nearing the next women's retreat, I thought it so appropriate to re-post this piece, especially since it deals with such a hard thing as losing a parent and the emotional turmoil wrapped up in that.  Praying for my friends who have lost so many so recently!


This last weekend, I missed out on joining my team at a conference featuring none other than THE Rachel Hollis (author of Girl, Wash Your Face) and Nichole Walters (business coach extraordinaire - you need to check out her podcast!). I really missed being with my entrepreneur friends, but I got to go instead to another women's conference - Replenish 2019 - with my church group and about 1200 more women in south GA.

It never fails - the times that I think I just don't have time for this conference, or that I should be doing something else - or just feel too drained to go to a conference like this ....those are the times that I get the most from the conference! You know, I don't know why that takes me by surprise. Whenever I'm stressed out or even just not wanting to be around people, those are the times when there is some something extra special in the services or fellowship that I just needed --- even if I wasn't completely aware of it till I received it. 

This time was no different. When I realized months ago that the two conferences were scheduled on the same weekend, at first I was completely bummed. You see, I *love* hanging around and being encouraged with my Maskcara (now Seint) artist friends. I believe it's part of the reason the Lord sent this business into my life - so I'd have more balance to keep me mentally and emotionally healthier. Basically, as a minister, it's always a good thing to have friends you can go to OUTSIDE your ministry. Otherwise, you're always "ON" and never have a chance to have downtime. 

But back to this weekend.

This weekend, one of the speakers was an incredible comedienne, Nakita B. Williams. She was hilarious! And presented the gospel in such a way, your cheeks might have been hurting from laughing so much, but you received a word without even knowing it! 

She talked about her pain and struggles with faith after her mom was killed by breast cancer. If you know me, you'll know this hit particularly hard with me since a little over 3 years ago, I lost my Daddy to cancer. Cancer is such an awful way to lose someone. And while I may not have expressed this much (because preacher's wives don't talk about this kind of thing), I have had a REALLY hard time reconciling my Daddy being taken from me. 

Nakita did too - she mentioned that for a couple years she kept asking God "WHY?? Why did you let her die? Why didn't you hear my prayers??" ...then recently He finally answered her late one night: The Lord told her, "I heard your prayer. And I answered HERS."

Y'all. Oh my word, that broke me. I knew he is a God who hears and answers prayers. I knew that he is wise, and sovereign and works everything out for my good.  
But I didn't know why he took Daddy...till now. 

Yes, I was praying for Daddy to stay. Stay for me, stay for my mom, stay for my son to know him better. And I was angry - and even shocked! - that God didn't answer my prayer.

But that was because he was answering my Daddy's prayer. I'll have to tell you more about that sometime - but I know that my Daddy didn't want to do that last round of chemo. He was ready to go. But I wasn't ready for him to. 

Well, Saturday morning in this women's conference, when Nakita told us what she had learned about her mom's passing, I absolutely broke. All the walled-up emotions that no one sees, all the hurt and anger and doubt, and questions..they just broke. 

But if you know me, you know I'm not one that just blubbers everywhere. I really, really, really prefer to keep this stuff in until I'm not around people. Like ANY people. 
I just couldn't help it. Those hot, salty tears just kept streaming down my face. I was TRYING to keep it together, y'all. I'd take a deep breath, bite the inside of my lip, open my eyes wide, and there come the tears again. 

I always sit on the aisle seat when we go places. Just my preference, and thankfully, the other ladies that were with us are all OK with that ;-) . But next to me sat a friend who I can honestly say has always had my back. She does and does and does for lots of people, but she really spoils us. She's one of my closest friends in this area - and I don't say that lightly. 

But here I am quietly being broken - trying my best to get my act together before someone notices what a blubbering fool I'm being, and my friend doesn't call me out or gather people around me to pray for me or anything like that. She just quietly presses a tissue into my hand, and lets me have my time of private healing right there in the middle of a comedienne's message at a women's conference. 

I am so thankful, so very grateful, for a friendship like that. 

And I pray that I can be that kind of grace-filled friend to someone else. Sometimes you don't have to have a full three-point sermon, or be able to quote scripture or have the wisest advice to be a Godly minister. 

Sometimes you just hand her a tissue.

#grief #ministry #women #friendship #conference
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