Y'all. Band/Football season and moving into/setting up the new place and school activities and hospital visits for friends....it has been non-stop! I joked with my husband last week that I think our local hospital has a chair reserved for him in the 2nd floor waiting area this summer. It has been C.R.A.Z.Y.
Did y'all know it took us three years of "trying" to get pregnant with my one-and-only son? We prayed and prayed and prayed. We finally got a 'positive' and then the praying REALLY began!
We prayed very specific prayers for him - which I still have listed out in his baby book.
And we still continue to pray specifically for him.
This year, my son is in his sophomore year of high school. He's driving us around with his learner's license, has started shaving, and we've been well initiated into the whole boyfriend/girlfriend dramas of the teen years.
Up until this year, for the most part, his school friends and interactions have been relatively drama-free. Sure, there's always the temporary "he did this, he's not my friend" thing, and then the following week we find out they're best buds again. I am so thankful the Lord moved us to the county we're in. There's no way we would have been this blessed in the other school system we were in.
Unfortunately, this year, my sweet (and sometimes infuriating) son has had to deal with a label he really hasn't had to before. This year, he's "the preacher's kid". (Side note: before you think this year has been nothing but problems for C, let me assure you - he is blossoming with his music, new friends and just having fun in general.) But this year, some called him out in front of several others at band camp- "Hey preacher's kid" - and then later when C mentioned something that was happening at youth group that week, "don't be shoving your religion down my throat!"
Those who know my son, know he's a pretty gentle kid. He likes to make people laugh. He has a compassion for other kids that seems to be missing in most teens these days. He's a bit of a sci-fi geek, and Doctor Who, Star Trek and Star Wars make regular appearances when it's his turn to choose what to watch as a family. He's recently discovered how much he likes playing jazz music, and this mama is thrilled!
He's not perfect, I know. A look at his grades and assignments - and the stacks of his laundry - and the sound of his angst at having to do anything related to chores - will tell you that.
Living life in the ministry, my husband and I have somewhat become used to the stereotypes that people put on us. And we have TRIED our best to make sure our son knows that no matter who his dad is, or what his dad does, C is his OWN PERSON. He made the decision at an early age to become a Christian (and we are thankful for that), so when we are faced with issues that he has to deal with, our questions with him has always been focused on "What should a Christian do?" ....never "what should a preacher's kid do?"
The statistics for preacher's kids having a healthy mental, emotional and spiritual life during and after their teen years are staggering...and pretty depressing, honestly. Google it. One study found that almost half of pastors' kids had periods where they majorly questioned their faith; and almost a third have nothing more to do with the church.
There are many reasons for this, I'm sure - but the two most common are:
(1) The Pastor's Kid is having to live up to incredibly high, impossible standards placed upon him by the church/community (standards that those "enforcers" would never place on themselves or their kids), and
(2) The Pastor's Kid is having to live fighting the stereotype that all PK's are wild, secretly sinful, and just plain hypocrites.
You can probably tell we are hyper-vigilant of C's spiritual and emotional health - especially when it comes to church relationships. When we have to have discussions about church things, we try to keep the most serious conversations out of C's earshot, or when he can hear us, we really try hard not to say names in front of him. And like most parents, praying for our son is an almost-constant activity! So I feel like we're doing the best we can.
But then my son comes home with the wind knocked out of his sails because he's virtually being silenced by his peers because of the stereotypes and prejudices they hold against him and his family And I wonder how in the world can we help C to keep a healthy relationship with his Heavenly Father, and stand for what he believes in, while respecting those who may not believe the same.....when the ones who believe differently than him won't give him the same respect? How can I keep my son from becoming so bitter about who his dad is, and the church, and the servanthood that we've embraced as his parents, and the people that we've pledged to serve....how can I keep him from becoming so bitter about all those things that he turns his back on the One who loves him & us regardless (maybe in spite of?) all those things?
How do I keep my son from losing his "religion"? Or more importantly, his RELATIONSHIP?
The hard answer, that my head knows: I can't. His relationship with our Heavenly Father - our Daddy God - is just that: HIS. I have to pray, and fast, and trust that C can see the Father's love & provision & grace & long-suffering through all that other stuff.
Oh, man that's hard. Much harder than sleepless nights, or diaper blow-outs or fevers that won't come down. Way harder than first days of Pre-K & Kindergarten and harder than his first heartbreak.
Trusting God - my God - to become my son's God; and trusting that my son can find his way to (and stay anchored to) his Creator --- that's what is the hardest about parenting.
But I have to do it. This is his walk - I've got to let him walk it.
And in the meantime, this mama bear would kindly appreciate if all these other parents (no doubt trying to do the best by their own kids) would teach them not to judge a kid by their parents. (Because -- let's be real -- those kids calling my son "Preacher's Kid" in that derogatory way learned that from SOMEONE.) Come on, it's not that hard to understand. You would no more expect a firefighter's kid to behave differently, or a teacher's kid, or a stripper's kid.
Let them be kids. And teach YOUR kid to accept MY kid As. A. Kid.
He's not just a Preacher's Kid. He's just a kid. Period.
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